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Lardass installs a automatic ass washer!
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What Can Go Wrong
Picture of Charlie
posted
Dennis Olson
Chief Curmudgeon
_______________
May 27, 2021
#1
So, at the risk of TMI, I ordered a bidet toilet seat attachment a couple days ago from Amazon. It arrived today. It was also time for a new toilet seat cuz, well, eww. Tore off the old seat and cleaned everything up. Did a trial fitting of the seat to make sure it’d fit properly. It did. Time for the bidet attachment.

NOTE: The device I ordered was NOT a replacement seat with integrated bidet. It’s a separate unit. You use your existing toilet seat.

The unit I bought after weeks of research (and reading reviews on over a hundred such devices) is a “GenieBidet” (model AB-2000). 4-5 star ratings over 90%. When it arrived, I unboxed everything and made sure I had all the parts. I did. Read the instructions. Simple enough. They supplied a replacement braided line for the wall-valve. I didn’t really need it, but decided to use it anyway.

I did a trial fit of the device. Everything looked like it would fit correctly. I then attached all the water lines to the various pieces. This unit comes with a shut-off valve for the bidet feed. Most don’t. That’s good to know right there. (Such a valve can be a life saver if the device itself starts to leak.) Once the various bits were attached and tightened, I installed the unit itself and toilet seat, and made the recommended positional adjustments. I tightened everything down. Then it was time to shut off the water supply and flush the toilet to drain the tank. It’s important to hold the flush lever down until all the water is drained from the tank.

Once done (mind you, I did all this sitting on the edge of the bathtub), it was time to remove the old water supply hose. That required being on the floor. Laid down a couple towels and moosed myself down. The fitting on the underside of the tank was only hand tight (remember my last toilet repair thread? Lesson learned.) It came off immediately. I then installed the “T” valve to that fitting, and the feed line to the bidet attachment was next. (I couldn’t attach that piece before the T valve was tight.)

All that was left was the braided water feed line. Top first, then to the valve. Everything went smoothly. I *gently* opened the valve. No leaks. Climbed up off the floor (prolly should called a tow truck for that - sigh), then lifted the lid and tried the bidet valve itself. It just kind of burbled, but no leaks. Upon turning it off, discovered that the little plastic squirter arm hadn’t retracted properly into the “bay.” Felt around and realized that the unit had to move forward about a quarter inch. Loosened up the seat, then pulled the unit forward. Retightened and tried again. Perfect!

Note that the toilet seat needed taller “bumpers”. Fortunately, I’d ordered those as well. Stuck ‘em on, and everything is great. Haven’t tried it yet, but it’s good to go. The mount for this is called “ultra-thin.” What that actually means is that the water feed isn’t routed through the mount. Why is that important? Two reasons: 1) a heavy person could easily collapse the mount and ruin the unit, and 2) the seat fits close to the porcelain like normal. Again, some of these devices need extra bits stuck to the underside of the seat (even taller bumpers for example). I like simple and robust design.

The unit was about $59 on Amazon. Not bad overall. I wasn’t going to get a “bidet replacement seat” because they’re cheap junk unless you pay hundreds of dollars ($400-$700) and I couldn’t afford it. Also, the size of the hole in those seats is much smaller than a normal one. Not good if you’re big. A regular size person could do the install in 15-20 minutes. It took me about 45 from pulling the old seat to final adjustment.

ETA: No plumber’s tape or thread dope is used on this install.

ETA2: Corrected typos.

ETA3: Over-tightening the various fittings is the primary cause of leaks. Easy does it.




Obama Sucks!
 
Posts: 11987 | Registered: May 01, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
What Can Go Wrong
Picture of Charlie
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He bought an AB 2000. (Ass Blaster 2000) Sounds like the deluxe version you need to hook up to the fire hydrant outside of your house.




Obama Sucks!
 
Posts: 11987 | Registered: May 01, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
What Can Go Wrong
Picture of Charlie
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Life - Lives on TB
May 27, 2021
#16
Well ... not understanding no need for toilet paper. Does it blow dry your bum too? Otherwise you would walk around with a wet butt crack.
LOLLike Reactions:bbbuddy, Sammy55, moldy and 2 others
Dennis Olson
Dennis Olson
Chief Curmudgeon
_______________
May 27, 2021
#17
Mine does not. However, the expensive ones do. You can’t make this stuff up. Big Grin




Obama Sucks!
 
Posts: 11987 | Registered: May 01, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
What Can Go Wrong
Picture of Charlie
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CT
Veteran Member
May 27, 2021
#35
You might blast the hole, but have you considered the deposits to the back side of the bell clanger? Bidets are really meant for women, just sayin’.
Dennis Olson
Dennis Olson
Chief Curmudgeon
_______________
May 27, 2021
#36
Don’t care. I can easily clean the low-hangers. There’s a woman setting and a butthole setting. They use different spritzer fittings.




Obama Sucks!
 
Posts: 11987 | Registered: May 01, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
What Can Go Wrong
Picture of Charlie
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Lardass outdid himself with this thread. You gotta go over there and read the whole thing. Too much hilarious stuff to cut and paste.




Obama Sucks!
 
Posts: 11987 | Registered: May 01, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
at the risk of TMI

20 years too late for that...
 
Posts: 1456 | Registered: August 04, 2017Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Shinmen Takezo
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If anyone on this planet needs his ass hosed down it would in fact be lard-ass. I cannot imagine him being able to reach around with a handful of paper, let alone scrape his butt clean without breaking a toilet seat. The guy is sooooo fucking fat!
 
Posts: 8607 | Registered: August 15, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Tard Princess
Picture of Cankerblossom
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I just figured he stood in the shower and hose his ass off.

Wonder how he gets down and up again since his legs can't take his weight according to him


****************
Does anything rhyme with orange?
 
Posts: 1115 | Registered: April 26, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
What Can Go Wrong
Picture of Charlie
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quote:
Originally posted by Cankerblossom:
I just figured he stood in the shower and hose his ass off.

Wonder how he gets down and up again since his legs can't take his weight according to him


Do they make lift chairs for toilets?????




Obama Sucks!
 
Posts: 11987 | Registered: May 01, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of dissimulo
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No, they make CNAs that escort you from your nursing home bed to the bathroom and wipe your ass for you.
 
Posts: 2883 | Registered: April 13, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post



posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Cankerblossom:
I just figured he stood in the shower
When was the last time he confirmed he was anywhere near his shower?
 
Posts: 1456 | Registered: August 04, 2017Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Yeetcow
Picture of Jefiner
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This is too much like work.

Bidets really are great for the elderly and infirm; there are demonstrated results in lower incidence of UTI and skin breakdown.

But this? This is too much fucking information.

What an assclown.


______________________________

Don't pet the fluffy murder cow.
 
Posts: 4210 | Registered: August 15, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Yeetcow
Picture of Jefiner
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Why, yes. Yes, they do make a toilet ejection seat.


______________________________

Don't pet the fluffy murder cow.
 
Posts: 4210 | Registered: August 15, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Jombi
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The initial OP from LardAss is from May 27, 2021. In a year, he's gone from being able to install an ass washer to not able to get out of a chair without assistance. That's a rapid decline, IMO. And why did he even need that? I can't imagine he's that "clean" anyway. It's just another whim that he wasted $ on and flaunted it in their faces. But many of them don't see it that way and keep sending him $.

His "alone at Thanksgiving" posts ranged from depressing to anger. In one of them he claimed there was nothing open yesterday in the entirety of Austin other than Chinese to get a Thanksgiving meal - he wasn't paying $15 for a meal. So he stayed home and made spaghetti - as if he was actually going to go out anyway. He is full of self pity these days, again brought on by his own actions or lack of.

He's alone by his own accord. In another thread about someone falling and not being found for several days, it was suggested that he have someone contact him daily. LardAss laments that no one ever sticks with the plan. He totally blew off the idea that HE initiate the call (likely because he has no one to call). He said he cant afford a service to check in on him. When someone found free services in the Austin area, he dismissed that too. Each week he gets nastier and nastier with his flock. He's gotten quick to lash out at people, often for the same things he's guilty of but tries to justify it when it's him. It's a sad state of affairs when someone literally has no friends, neighbors or family they can count on. None. I'm beginning to think he actually likes wallowing in misery.


Putting the fun in dysfunction
 
Posts: 510 | Registered: November 26, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Tard Princess
Picture of Cankerblossom
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I don't read his woe-is-me threads. I may look at his original post but after that I move on.

For someone who is supposed to be so smart he should've figured out that he's not doing himself any favors being an ass to people online.(I would bet he doesn't run his mouth in real life to people lol)

If anything, he should set something up for those poor dogs.

Him getting nastier is because he's not getting his full hits of oxycontin. He probably has to ration them out.

I have no sympathy for the waste of oxygen


****************
Does anything rhyme with orange?
 
Posts: 1115 | Registered: April 26, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Jombi
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Cankerblossom:
I don't read his woe-is-me threads. I may look at his original post but after that I move on.

For someone who is supposed to be so smart he should've figured out that he's not doing himself any favors being an ass to people online.(I would bet he doesn't run his mouth in real life to people lol)

If anything, he should set something up for those poor dogs.

Him getting nastier is because he's not getting his full hits of oxycontin. He probably has to ration them out.

I have no sympathy for the waste of oxygen


His "woe is me" posts are hilarious. They are even better when his flock start offering suggestions and he gets pissy and/or makes up ridiculous excuses. What I also find amusing is that he will bitch and moan about the most asinine things and then turn around and go off on someone else for complaining about something of a higher degree - still nonsense, but clearly more of an issue that whatever LardAss is whining about. He will get more and more angry as the thread progresses. The moving thread is a good example. Sadly, that seems to have died out when no one stepped up to come to Austin, pack the contents of his stye, move it to a place LardAss deems worthy of his presence, unload and unpack, and probably foot the bill for all of it.

And yes, LardAss really should do something to make sure those poor dogs are not hauled off to a shelter or worse when something happens to him. At the rate he seems to be declining, it's going to happen sooner than later. They deserve so much better.


Putting the fun in dysfunction
 
Posts: 510 | Registered: November 26, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post

Tard Savior
And the number of Tard Points shall be three. No more, no less.


Picture of To The Left of Crazy
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Is there any place on this website where I can apply for disability?!?

I sprained my left eyes from rolling them several times reading the first post, and, I was only about 1/3 of the way through...
 
Posts: 4187 | Registered: March 22, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Jombi
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by To The Left of Crazy:
Is there any place on this website where I can apply for disability?!?

I sprained my left eyes from rolling them several times reading the first post, and, I was only about 1/3 of the way through...


That's not how it works. You're supposed to ask about it and then expect other members to do it for you. Then you get to complain (whine) that it's not being done fast enough, no one offered to come get you and take you to and from the Dr, and how you now can't do much of anything due to your debilitating eye sprain and being broke from not being able to work due to said sprain. Then you need to wait a day or so and start posting about what useless shit you've bought, where you've gone, and what you're cooking (be sure to add "yummy").


Putting the fun in dysfunction
 
Posts: 510 | Registered: November 26, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Tard Princess
Picture of Cankerblossom
posted Hide Post
lmao


****************
Does anything rhyme with orange?
 
Posts: 1115 | Registered: April 26, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post

Tard Savior
And the number of Tard Points shall be three. No more, no less.


Picture of To The Left of Crazy
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Jombi:
quote:
Originally posted by To The Left of Crazy:
Is there any place on this website where I can apply for disability?!?

I sprained my left eyes from rolling them several times reading the first post, and, I was only about 1/3 of the way through...


That's not how it works. You're supposed to ask about it and then expect other members to do it for you. Then you get to complain (whine) that it's not being done fast enough, no one offered to come get you and take you to and from the Dr, and how you now can't do much of anything due to your debilitating eye sprain and being broke from not being able to work due to said sprain. Then you need to wait a day or so and start posting about what useless shit you've bought, where you've gone, and what you're cooking (be sure to add "yummy").


:::gag:::
 
Posts: 4187 | Registered: March 22, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post



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